Being a parent is such a hard job sometimes and doing it alone can make it seem 10 times worse. My son had to have surgery this week and I have never been so scared for him, it was the most basic surgery but seeing him being put to sleep was not a nice experience. His father was also there and luckily I managed to hold back my tears until after they had put him to sleep but I felt so helpless.
Nosebleeds are the most basic of things to deal with, your nose bleeds, you pinch the top of the nose and the bleeding should stop. However, when you have nosebleeds like my son has experienced, we were not that lucky. They call it Epistaxis and I have researched it profusely, the reasons they happen and the treatments. Surgery is a last resort and it has made me appreciative that apart from this I have a very healthy little boy. I think sometimes I take that for granted because for some people a nosebleed is the least of their worries. What happens when a child is more seriously ill? I used to think about the nosebleeds and say to my son that there are naughty blood cells that want to see what happens outside the body and that’s why they escape through his nose. There was one occasion when I heard him say to them stop trying to escape I need you to help me stay alive.
The innocence of a child is precious and it makes me smile thinking of that rather than the image of him being put to sleep. I suppose with everything going on I feel blessed and grateful that this is the worst I have had to experience so far. I don’t know if you have been through worse but if you have, I empathise and as I always like to say there is no sunshine without rain. If children are resilient and can bounce back quite happily so can I and so can you.
That evening when we were at home, Antoine actually thanked me for looking after him. I replied by saying that it was my job as his mother to take care of him and he said he wouldn’t want anyone else to be doing it. I held him that night as he fell asleep on my lap I know he’s 8 but after the day we had been through I did not care. I suppose this experience has made me stronger and put a lot of things in perspective. I have promised that this year will be a great one for us not because of everything going on but because we have each other.